Dealing with the question "What If?"

A good proportion of my psychological practice is spent helping people to work with the elusive questions in their lives, especially the good old 'What If's?'. As you can imagine, I observe lots of people experiencing high levels of stress and anxiety about various issues impacting on their lives. Consequently, I see people spending enormous amounts of time on what I refer to as 'The Hamster Wheel', worrying themselves into a lather and invariably finding themselves going nowhere.

These questions we get stuck on are often referred to as 'Unanswerable Questions' and are associated with a whole range of issues including: relationships, money, living situations such as moving, changes in career, our children, our friends/family, health issues, study and so on. We want to be able to 'crystal ball our life', to predict whats going to happen and how it will effect us, Of course, thats just not possible.

Okay, so what can we do to get off this hamster wheel?

Thankfully, there are lots of helpful things we can do. For example:

1. Beware of the unanswerable questions, that is, give yourself permission to STOP thinking about something which doesn't have any answers, or at least, not at this point in time.
2. Come back to focusing on the things you have control of in the situation and put your energy into problem solving the things you can influence or change.
3. Be careful not to slip into avoidance behaviour, this is an easy trap to fall into when we are stuck on the hamster wheel. We need to remain proactive about the situation, to focus on what we can do to make improvements or changes. 
4. Talk to someone you trust and feel safe with about your worries. This will help you get some perspective back plus feel supported and heard.
5. Give yourself permission to take some time out from worrying. Maybe go for a walk, play a game, go for a swim, read a book, talk to a friend or do some relaxation exercises such as meditation, pilates or yoga. Some people find the use of a worry diary can be helpful, that is, putting specific time aside to worry about an issue. 
6. Sometimes we can file away worries until another time and sometimes we have to be realistic and recognise some issues will never have an answer. Thats a good time to consider shredding those particular thoughts. 

The Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) have some fantastic resources on their website which you can download for free. I urge anyone finding themselves stuck on the hamster wheel to consider taking advantage of these great resources as well.