Grief and Loss

I was reminded last week of the fragility and unpredictability of life when my beautiful sister in law Yvonne died suddenly. I am always astonished by the complete punch to the system losing someone you love has on you at all levels, that is, physically, mentally and emotionally. Yvonne was particularly special as she had already survived a rare form of cancer at the age of 35 but managed to live another 30 years full of many adventures and much happiness.

I have spent a lot of my years in my work as a psychologist helping people process and deal with the after effects of losing a loved one and this is a good time to remind myself of the importance of the grief process. Firstly, there is no formula for grieving, everyone will grieve differently. It is important to think about the person you have lost and allow the stories of who they were to you to surface and be recalled. Talking about the person won't bring them back but it gives you a way to keep them in a place of importance within yourself. Self care is critical including eating well, sleeping well, focusing on positive activities and indulging in things that give you a lift e.g. massage, pedicure, manicure. That each day will be different for a while, adjustment to a significant loss will take time. How much time? Whatever time you need!!

I have found a number of books helpful in dealing with grief but there are a couple which I think have stood the test of the time. These include:

'Coping with Grief' Mal and Dianne McKissock
'On Grief and Grieving' Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler
'A Grief Observed' CS Lewis

Mostly importantly, I think we need to remind ourselves to be kind to ourself. The heart will need time to heal and anything that is healing will cause some pain along the way and thats okay too.