"You cannot suffer the past or the future, they do not exist. What you are suffering is your memory and imagination. The only moment that matters is right now. What do you want this moment to be about?"
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![]() Okay, so traditionally we call this day Valentine's Day and its a great time to remind our nearest and dearest how much we love and care about them. Sadly, there are plenty of people who for various reasons are not able to celebrate this day in the traditional way, whether through being single, widowed or .recently separated. I want to send out heart felt wishes to those good people too. We all deserve to feel loved, nurtured and cared about, no matter our current relationship status. We are wired for connection and our psychological health and well being is dependent on our relationships and connections to others, whether that be our family, our friends or those in our local community. So, today and everyday, Happy Kindness and Care Day to you. I recently read Bessel Van Der Kolk's extraordinary book 'The Body Keeps the Score'. Bessel is a dutch psychiatrist living in the USA who has researched and worked in the area of trauma for most of his professional career. This book is the culmination of more then 40 years working and researching the phenomenon of trauma. Bessel is currently the medical director of the Trauma Centre in Brookline, Massachusetts.
Bessel's book is a great reflection on many issues which effect a person who has experienced significant trauma including in-depth information about the link between the brain and the body, hence the title of the book. He also highlights what are considered to be some of the most highly effective, evidence based treatments for individuals with trauma symptoms. This includes treatment modalities such as Brain Based Therapy, Mindfulness and EMDR. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has experienced trauma or for family/friends who have loved one's with a trauma based background. It is a book dense with great information but it does take time to absorb everything Bessel has to say so I would recommend taking you time. I found it helpful to put the book down for a while and then come back to it a few days later. The website for Bessel's Trauma Centre at JRI is: www.traumacenter.org ![]() I recently had the great privilege of visiting the Van Gogh Art Museum in Amsterdam. This has been a dream of mine for many years and I spent 5 hours immersed in his beautiful art and world.
Vincent is best known for both his extraordinary art and his terrible struggle with mental health. Having now seen his art on a large scale, I personally feel he was a far more spiritual person then I had previously understood or realised. When you look at his paintings up close, not only are they full of great artistic skill and a finely tuned intelligence, the most compelling ingredient is they are all full of hope and love and yet tinged with a deep, abiding sorrow. My lasting impression was that Vincent was so full of love but struggled to find some place for all this love to go. I suspect for a lot of people dealing with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, grief and trauma, they would relate well to this emotional paradox and the consequent mental struggle this can create.. Since first seeing a Van Gogh as a young adult, I have always been completely mystified by why I have found his work so fascinating and magnetic. For me, that mystery is now solved. Vincent believed strongly in the importance of giving back to the community, that the workers in the field whom he watched labor as a child harvesting the crops, deserved to go home and find beautiful pictures on their walls, to give them solace and comfort. Vincent felt duty bound to create art for all people to take spiritual comfort from. In a sense, this museum now represents this ideal of his, or certainly as close as it will ever get. If you ever happen to be in Amsterdam, please give your self a treat and visit this wonderful museum.. ![]() As those who see me regularly would be aware, I am often talking about the importance of self care and self nurture, that is, we all need to 'fill up our emotional tank' regularly. I am consequently a great believer in the concept of 'practicing what you preach' so I am off to do some self care (plus some professional development) by taking a break commencing next week. I will be finishing up on Thursday the 13th of April (day before Good Friday) and returning to my office on Tuesday the 23rd of May. I won't have access to the office phone or my mobile while I am on leave, so if you need to send me a message, you are welcome to send me an email. All my details are available under the CONTACT tab on this web page. If you need assistance or support of any sort while I am away, please check out the contact list I have put together under the LINKS tab. I look forward to catching up with everyone once I return in May. Ciao for now. ![]() In therapy, I am often saying to people, 'we do not live conscious lives', that is, people like what they know even if it is not working for them. We all create patterns in our lives, including in our thoughts, and in patterns we will inevitably create comfort zones. So, when we are facing the prospect of change, I am well aware of the courage this will take to face and then to be able to implement something new, a new way of thinking about who we are in the world. The prospect of creating a new story in our lives is often daunting and overwhelming, Almost inevitably we will resist this change, at least for a while. We don't trust what we don't know even though this may be so much better for us compared to our current belief system. When I am working with someone around attitude change, I will emphasise this point, both to reassure and to help the person be aware that resistance is likely to occur. What we know now thanks to a huge amount of new research into the brain, and particularly in the area of Neuroplasticity, is that our brain is far more flexible and capable of new learning despite who we are or what our experiences may have been in the past. One of the first popular books on this topic, and one I highly recommend people consider reading, is "The Brain That Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge. The old adage 'a leopard cannot change its spots' is proving to be both a myth and an unhelpful concept to believe about ourselves and others. If we embrace positive and helpful change, our life will benefit and improve over time. I tend to emphasise the importance of incremental change, to ensure we are able to cope best with these changes and not risk overwhelming ourselves to the point where we just give up. So, if you are making some decisions to change the way you see yourself and the world around you, this will take courage to do. Be gentle with yourself and allow the time needed (how longs a piece of string?) for these new ways to arrive, settle and become part of your new story. As a therapist, I will take the journey of change with you and be able to remind and reassure you that change takes time and courage. ![]() In recognition of International Women's Day, I thought it would be fitting to pay homage to two women who have positively influenced, supported and helped educate me as a psychologist. Both of these women have been my superivsor at two different points in time and both have made a significant contribution to my growth and development as a health professional and psychologist. Firstly, there was the wonderful Wendy who I met with regularly in Canberra back in the late 1990's, at the very beginning of my career as a psychologist. Wendy is an extraordinary psychologist with great skills in Narrative and Strengths Based psychological therapy techniques. Wendy has an engaging warmth and calm demeanour. I always felt heard by her and safe in her presence. These are two powerful skills to have as an effective psychologist as I have subsequently learnt. Wendy also balanced well a sense of empathy for your situation without falsely leading you to think or believe she had all the answers to the issues, more the tools to help gently guide you to understanding these concerns for yourself. With the understanding comes the opportunity for growth and change. Again, Wendy was able to help me change my story and see how other beliefs were possible. From my hearts bottom, I will always be grateful to Wendy for these enduring learning experiences both for me personally and in my ongoing work in mental health. I recently contacted Wendy and she is continuing to practice in Canberra and has expanded her skills into the Clinical Hypnosis area. Always learning, always growing. The second person is the equally wonderful Kay. Kay has been my supervisor since 2007 and I have been seeing her regularly for the past 10 years (where did those years go?). Kay is similar to Wendy in her psychological learning roots and also has a strong background in the Narrative and Strengths Based models. Meeting and working with Kay helped reinforce my earlier learning and to further my confidence that this approach was the best one for me to purse and engage with as a therapist. Kay has a similar calm and engaging demeanour as Wendy. Kay has demonstrated and taught me the power of asking a useful question, for example, asking questions to help a person to work out how their thoughts are working for or against them, as the case maybe. Kay is also holistic in her approach and avoids the clinical or pathologising approach to treatment, with her emphasis being on "your story is unique to you'. Kay made a memorable statement to me one day some years ago that ultimately everything we do "Is all about Love". That statement has stayed with me and has helped me to focus on being a practitioner who engages with empathy, kindness, compassion and care, to the best of my ability (while still being flawed and human). So, to dearest Wendy and Kay, my deepest felt gratitude to you both. Your are both exceptional role models and mentors, inspiring me and I am sure many others to experience through supervision and therapy the enduring power of change, self care and love. Happy International Women's Day. ![]() So, as we often do at the beginning of a New Year, I was recently thinking through 'what do I want 2017 to be about?'. The word that sprang to mind was 'Gratitude'. Consequently, I have started to be more aware of being grateful each and every day, whether it is something large or small. One of the exercises I have committed to engaging with is a daily gratitude diary. I have purchased a diary for this specific purpose and I use it to write down my thoughts on what I have been grateful for on that particular day. Okay, so I have missed a few days BUT when I do write things down I notice the immediate effect this has on how I am feeling, that is, I am more positive in my focus, more generally energised and motivated and I am starting to think about what else I can look forward to being grateful for. This gratitude focus has also helped me to reflect on people I have been grateful for in my life as a whole, including family, friends and mentors. One of these mentors I recently decided to email and thank them for the wonderful help, support and learning that they had provided me as a young and inexperienced psychologist. This delightful person replied to my email and shared their positive and helpful memories of their time working with me many years ago. What a lovely gift to me. There is so much more for us to be grateful for when we allow ourselves the time to think and reflect on this simple idea. ![]() This is often a tricky time of year for people as there are lots of us who are not able to see family due to long distances or family/friends have passed away or we have lost contact with others over the years for various reasons. We might even be feeling the pressure of spending time with family who can cause us additional stress or distress, which of course goes against the prinicpal of the 'fesitve season'. Whatever your circumstances, I do hope this time of year brings you peace, rest, joy and time to recharge yourself for the the New Year. I will be taking some leave over the Christmas period commencing Friday the 23rd of December and returning to the office on Tuesday the 17th of January 2017. If you need to talk with someone, here are some good contact numbers to consider taking advanage of: Life Line 13 11 14 Mens Line 1300 78 99 78 Beyond Blue 1300 22 46 36 National Suicide Call Back Service 1300 65 94 67 Kids Line 1800 55 1800 A good proportion of my psychological practice is spent helping people to work with the elusive questions in their lives, especially the good old 'What If's?'. As you can imagine, I observe lots of people experiencing high levels of stress and anxiety about various issues impacting on their lives. Consequently, I see people spending enormous amounts of time on what I refer to as 'The Hamster Wheel', worrying themselves into a lather and invariably finding themselves going nowhere.
These questions we get stuck on are often referred to as 'Unanswerable Questions' and are associated with a whole range of issues including: relationships, money, living situations such as moving, changes in career, our children, our friends/family, health issues, study and so on. We want to be able to 'crystal ball our life', to predict whats going to happen and how it will effect us, Of course, thats just not possible. Okay, so what can we do to get off this hamster wheel? Thankfully, there are lots of helpful things we can do. For example: 1. Beware of the unanswerable questions, that is, give yourself permission to STOP thinking about something which doesn't have any answers, or at least, not at this point in time. 2. Come back to focusing on the things you have control of in the situation and put your energy into problem solving the things you can influence or change. 3. Be careful not to slip into avoidance behaviour, this is an easy trap to fall into when we are stuck on the hamster wheel. We need to remain proactive about the situation, to focus on what we can do to make improvements or changes. 4. Talk to someone you trust and feel safe with about your worries. This will help you get some perspective back plus feel supported and heard. 5. Give yourself permission to take some time out from worrying. Maybe go for a walk, play a game, go for a swim, read a book, talk to a friend or do some relaxation exercises such as meditation, pilates or yoga. Some people find the use of a worry diary can be helpful, that is, putting specific time aside to worry about an issue. 6. Sometimes we can file away worries until another time and sometimes we have to be realistic and recognise some issues will never have an answer. Thats a good time to consider shredding those particular thoughts. The Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) have some fantastic resources on their website which you can download for free. I urge anyone finding themselves stuck on the hamster wheel to consider taking advantage of these great resources as well. |
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